CrackDealer.org

It’s amazing what one person can do when they put their mind to it!

Yea, the dumb-ass mother decided this picture would be good to post on Facebook. Rest assured the mother was arrested. While we at CrackDealer do find this hilarious, if you’re that stupid (not letting your kid pretend to take bong-hits, but to post the picture for the world), you SHOULD be locked up.

Original Source: Gizmodo

Donald Wolfe, 55, was charged with public drunkenness in Brookville, Pennsylvania, after neighbors spotted him giving, as Mr. Wolfe described it, mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to a roadkill possum along Route 36. Another person reported seeing Mr Wolfe kneeling before the animal and gesturing as though he were conducting a séance. Pennsylvania State Trooper Jamie Levier said the animal had been dead quite some time.
.

……from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, March 26, 2010.

IF YOU HAVE EVER INGESTED BACON GREASE IN ANY FORM,   PLEASE READ THIS!!!!

The question is: Do you use bacon grease?

We were raised on bacon grease (lard) as kids and even into adulthood. I will never use it again. I hope you will throw yours away whenever you fry bacon from now on. It seems nothing’s is safe to eat anymore..

COOKING WITH BACON GREASE

I just threw out my last 2 tbs of bacon grease!! This is what happens when you keep cooking with bacon grease

This is a warning, send this to everyone you care about.

Bacon grease will make your feet shrink!

Warn everyone !!!

In a recent press conference British Petroleum’s CEO Tony Hayward had the following to say concerning the current oil spill in the Gulf.

“Don’t worry about that pesky oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. It’s relatively tiny compared to the very big ocean.” “We will fix it. I guarantee it. The only question is when.”

He also asked the press if they knew where he received his scars but was quickly cut off by nearby board members.

No wonder they were called the good old days. Check out the pharmaceuticals our great-great-grandparents had. I’d be feeling real good every day too.

The Center for Disease Control in Atlanta, Georgia has issued a warning about a
new virulent strain of this ancient disease. Its known as Gonorrhea Lectim.

The disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior involving placing your head up your rectum and leaving it there during the election season. Serious outbreaks occurred in2000, 2004 and again in 2008. After having been infected for the past year, most people are starting to realize how destructive the disease can be.

According to doctors at the CDC it is easily prevented by keeping your head out of your rectum and using it for more than a place to store your bluetooth headset. Currently being researched is a new pharmaceutical by the name Votemout. Either abstaining from the risky behavior or using the drug may end the disease. Otherwise it could become permanent and eventually wipe out democracy as we know it. Several states, Virginia, New Jersey and Massachusetts, already have protocols in place to address this burgeoning epidemic.

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt, of Germany, fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.

Investigators say the ill-fated Friedrich was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the beast’s colon loosened up.

The violent force of the elephant’s somewhat unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock. The elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. Its just one of those freak accidents that proves shit does happen.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE by Associated Press

Keeping the tradition of the St. Patrick’s Day Shamrock Shake alive a little longer, McDonald’s has announced that it will launch another “green” shake called “Earth Shake.”

“The Earth Shake will contain all natural and much healthier ingredients than our normal spring green shake,” says McDonald’s spokesperson Cynthia Russell, “We felt the food coloring was not enough and wanted to add “real” green ingredients. And by “real” we mean “actual” and not “real” as in “reel butter” at the movie theaters.”

The Earth Shake will contain a banana and soy base, 10% filtered apple juice, and a variety of green plants to provide what Russell called “actual green coloring.”

Plants include chickweed, nettle, and wheat-grass. Russell continues, “Our extensive research shows that not only do these plants provide natural coloring, but they are highly nutritious. People in the U.S. will be amazed when they find out what is in the common nettle plant. When combined with other flavors in the shake, they really complement the Quarter Pounder.”

The new Earth Shake, according to McDonald’s website, allows people who are dairy intolerant to now enjoy the tradition of McDonald’s shakes. Russell commented, “In the past we found that vegans visiting our restaurant felt left out since all of the shakes had a dairy base. Though we tirelessly explain that there is no actual dairy in our shakes, that did not help. We believe our new shakes will attract all vegans and other dairy intolerant customers back to McDonald’s for the shakes they all enjoyed as kids.”

The “Earth Shake” will debut on Earth Day, April 22, 2010. This celebrates the 40th anniversary of Earth Day as well as McDonald’s original Shamrock Shake. It will only be available in U.S. McDonald’s restaurants until market research is complete.

Contact:
McDonald’s Corp.
2111 McDonald’s Drive
Oak Brook, IL 60523

Egg-as-Person State Law Campaigns in Colorado and Montana

The so-called “personhood” movement promoting constitutional rights for eggs got a fresh shot in the arm in recent days with ballot initiatives. Renewing efforts in Colorado and Montana. A host of familiar nationally-known and emerging local activists from hard line anti-abortion groups are leading the new charge to ban abortion, contraception, and other comprehensive reproductive health care.

Personhood USA, the national coordinating campaign, claims it has launched 27 state initiatives, including a second try to radically change the Colorado Constitution. At the same time, the Statesman notes that the 2010 Colorado personhood ballot is aiming to run as an all-volunteer effort — a curious and politically risky strategy considering how much money the national groups, like American Life League, have proved they can raise. The latest Colorado attempt also includes the newly tweaked language avoiding the term “egg” for the more ambiguous “from the beginning of biological development.” After inexplicably kicking off the petition drive Aug. 25 at a non-descript Denver post office, the group has since fanned out at the heavily-trafficked Colorado State Fair and popular “Taste of Colorado” festival to begin collecting 76,000 valid petition signatures by the Feb. 15 deadline.

Like its Rocky Mountain neighbor, the Montana group will also not employ paid petition circulators to collect the approximately 40,000 voter signatures needed by July 2010 to qualify for the ballot. Its first all-volunteer effort in 2008 to change the state Constitution, fell nearly 50 percent short of its signature goal. Kalispell physician Annie Bukacek, president of the Montana ProLife Coalition, spearheads the drive with support from the Personhood USA mothership.

In a wide ranging interview, Christian talk show host Bob Enyart spoke with Les Riley, evangelical activist and father of nine, in April. Said Enyart, “So many pro-lifers over a period of 30 years have been taught, by National Right to Life’s previous campaigns. ‘Don’t mention God. Don’t quote the Bible. We’re going to win this on the laws of science.’ But the problem with that, Les, is the laws of science don’t use the terms right and wrong. By the laws of science, you can’t prove that the Holocaust was wrong. Right and wrong come from God.”

Thanks to Wendy Norris of RH Reality Check